What happens during a Colonoscopy?

When Chris and I had been together for a year we had a lovely little chat. It went something along these lines:

Me: Chrissssssss

Chris: Yes?

Me: What do you love about me?

Cue long list of romantic sweet nothings

Me: And what would you change?

Chris: What kind of a question is that? Nothing of course.

Me: But if you HAD to change something

Chris: Well......am I going to get in trouble for this?

Me: JUST SAY IT!

Chris: You have no stopper!

And there it was. The thing that most freaks out my husband. I say TOO MUCH.

Now I'm not talking about revealing peoples' secrets here or going on and on for hours. I'm talking about my inability to keep my own personal issues private. I'm a sharer and am happy to talk about my experiences with those who are willing to listen.

So, it was with trepidation that Chris asked me whether I was going to go into the details of my colonoscopy on my blog. My response was naturally of course I bloody am. If it can help/amuse/calm you  then why the hell not?

So here goes...The Bonn Beauty Guide To Surviving a Colonoscopy

1. I needed a colonoscopy because I had loads of symptoms that were freaking me out including slight anaemia, tiredness and quite strange bowel symptoms. Being slightly (understatement) neurotic I somehow managed to talk myself round to thinking that I had colon cancer. The specialist assured me that the chances of a 31 year old woman having colon cancer were exceptionally rare but he wanted to do the colonoscopy to rule everything out.

2. A week later I was sent an exciting looking parcel in the post which turned out to be two packs of something called Moviprep. This is an ultra-strong laxative which you mix with a litre of water and drink the day before the procedure and then again on the actual day. I hated everything about that package and hid it away!


3. My procedure was on the Friday at 4pm. From Wednesday morning to Thursday lunch my diet consisted of:

Rich Tea Biscuits
Eggs
White bread
Cheese
Ice-cream
Jelly

REALLY bizarre but no fibre allowed in the run-up!

4. Thursday at 4pm was when the fun really started. It was Moviprep time.

Now let me give you a few home truths about this stuff...

 If you go online you will read all sorts of horror stories about it tasting unbearable and making people sick.

This is simply a load of rubbish. It is totally manageable. A bit salty yes but not unbearable.

Here's my top hint:

Buy two one litre bottles of non-alcoholic ginger-ale. About 4 hours before you need to start drinking the Moviprep mix it with a bottle of the ginger-ale and shove it in the fridge. When it's time to start, drink it glass by glass (one litre works out as four medium sized glasses) every fifteen minutes and do so with a straw. The ginger-ale really counteracts the taste as does the temperature.

5. Usually the Moviprep doesn't take too long to work. I was waiting in trepidation for NINE HOURS!! Chris found the whole thing quite amusing. I tried dancing, rolling around the floor and jumping but still nothing was going on. I started panicking and thinking that it hadn't worked but at 1am my stomach finally did what it was meant to.

6. The effect of the laxative is NOT like having a stomach bug. It is absolutely fine as long as you're near a loo. There's no pain, just a gurgly feeling in your stomach.

Two words of advice:

Use LOADS of Zinc and Castor Oil Cream on your bottom to stop it stinging and get some baby wipes to use instead of plain old loo roll.

7. The next morning I repeated all this again from 8am and it all happened far more quickly so that by the time I had to leave the house at 2pm I was fine.

                                                      Pre-Colonoscopy Nervous Face!

The Procedure:

I hate hospitals with a vengeance. I was incredibly nervous before the procedure and made Chris' life a nightmare as he stoically accompanied me. I informed the specialist that he better look after my bottom (highly embarrassing) and was on the verge of tears for hours before the whole sorry affair.

The reality is that it really was OK.

Basically, you are put in a pair of baggy shorts with an ultra-fashionable flap at the back for easy access and a gown. The specialist gives you a pain-killer and sedative which instantly relaxes you and before you know it the whole thing is over and you're munching on a sandwich.

SOME people feel slight discomfort. I felt absolutely nothing and was chatting away during the proceedings whilst watching it all on a screen.

The message that I want to really get across to you is that whilst this isn't something that anyone would choose to do, it is NOTHING to be scared of. If I can manage it I promise you can. So, if you've been putting it off for ages, get it booked in!!

Oh and by the way, I've just got plain old IBS :0) x